I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
