Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
