And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize