i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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