i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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