i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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