id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
