How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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