i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
