what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
