my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
