You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
