so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
