he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
