i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
