There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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