either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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