Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
