I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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