I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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