Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
