Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
