The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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