made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
