Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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