That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
