I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
