Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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