I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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