Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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