His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
