Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
