After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
