What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
