I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
