Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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