I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
