he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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