You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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