decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
