i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
