the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
