You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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