I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
