how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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