That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
