i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
