At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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