Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
