You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
