He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
