Apparently you make a good broom.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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