what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
