I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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