People with herpes should wear stickers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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