EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
