The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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