So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
