So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
