i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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