I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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