I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
