Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize