i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
